I am soooo tired

I am so tired. So tired of everything, of being what everyone wants me to be, of convincing myself that I am fine, that I am happy, that I like doing this or that. And I cant really seem to be able to confide in anybody because if I tell anyone what I really feel sometimes, then it becomes real, then it's imposible to keep convincing myself. But at the same time I need to say things, I need to express myself in a way that it will be safe, that people wont be affected by what I say and at the same time, I can afterwards forget about what I said because nobody will know that I will have said it. Because the me you will be reading about is not the me everyone knows, it might not even be the me I know. I will try to express here what sometimes goes through my head even if it is very quick, even if afterwards I might not really feel like this. This is the real me, or is it not?